Apr23
Apr23
Renewal
“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
I’m not sure why it’s been so long but I fell off the map about a year ago. It’s been a year of change…that’s the understatement of the year. I’ll fill you in later. I promise!
“I can hardly wait for tomorrow, it means a new life for me each and every day.”
― Stanley Kunitz
Jul12
Grief
There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.
Aeschylus
It’s been a year. In the day leading up to the year I told myself “he was alive this time last year.” Or “ He saw the fire works, even if it was just out of his window, this time last year” and worst of all “I could have called and heard his laugh this time last year but I didn’t”
But the year has now passed.
He always told me I’d bounce back, forget all about him, He was wrong and he hated to be wrong and I miss that I can’t rub it in.
When he left this world he took some part of me with him and left a hole I plug with memories, but there is still an ache that hasn’t dulled even though it’s been more than a year.
I saw a woman on the side of the street carrying a case of beer and a stuffed pony. I wanted to call and ask him where he thought she was going.
You were wrong Bobby. There is no forgetting you.
Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Jul7
The Moment of Truth or Holy Crap What Have I done?
“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.” ~Aldous Huxley
I started this blog on a whim. This is absolutely untrue, of course, because I have been writing, throwing my writing away, and dreaming of writing, since I was able to hold a pencil. Why do I want to pretend it’s just a silly thing I’ve given very little thought?
A whim by Dictionary.com definition is:
|
1.A sudden desire or change of mind, esp. one that is unusual or unexplained. 2.A windlass for raising ore or water from a mine. So the need to write is most definitely not sudden, a change of mind or unexplained. Judging by how many others are writing, the desire is not all that unusual either. It does feel a little like raising ore from a mine. You know that it’s in there but sweet mother it’s not that easy to get it out is it? So now all I need to do is to find a psychological windlass that will dredge my soul of all of the homeless characters and the sadistic need to tell a story so that it is out of the mine, much like the monster in Alien, and on to this screen. As proof that my sadistic tendencies run deep I currently have 27 days to produce a minimum of 10 and a maximum of 20 pages fit to present to ten others in addition to a published author at week long class I am taking at the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Now, I signed up for this sucker on a whim, I can promise you that!! The moment of truth has arrived. It’s now or never. Shit or get off the pot, as my dear mother was fond of saying. The countdown begins. Any and all encouragement is appreciated and needed. I never dreamed of being Shakespeare or Goethe, and I never expected to hold the great mirror of truth up before the world; I dreamed only of being a little pocket mirror, the sort that a woman can carry in her purse; one that reflects small blemishes, and some great beauties, when held close enough to the heart. ~Peter Altenberg |
Jun19
Eating your problems?
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.
Elayne Boosler
I eat my problems.
I never had this problem when I was younger, or maybe I didn’t notice, but as I get older I can clearly ‘see’ that I do this.
Okay, what do I mean by this you may, or may not, ask?
I eat when I’m depressed. I swallow my words too. I stuff down my emotions. I ingest the pain I’m in and hold it all inside and then I have a sundae. It then appears on my hips. Voila! Just like magic; but not.
I never knew this about myself because it never showed up on the outside until lately.
Friggin’ 50!
So, is the answer to go to the gym more or is it to tell everyone to fuck off? Make myself happy instead of making myself ice cream? Take a break from making everyone else feel good and regurgitate all this negativity; shed the burdens; lose the weight of everyone else and have a salad instead?
Definitely time for a change.
Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.
Peter De Vries
Jun11
Take that chance…go ahead, I dare you!
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
Mark Twain
It’s true. You can’t go home again. I tried and it didn’t work. I am not the same person and the house didn’t fit me anymore. I actually wonder what contortions of personality I had subjected myself to in order to make it fit the first time. Well, I obviously didn’t like it or I wouldn’t have left in the first place, right?
Have you ever romanticized your past? Thought longingly that, given the chance, you’d do it all so differently. You’d be kinder, patient, more appreciative with the known and familiar.
Think again, my friends. The unknown, as scary as it might seem, is ripe with possibility. The past, while comfortable, lacks potential. That well-worn path leads you in the same direction each time you follow it.
To the house that didn’t fit, that you discarded, or that discarded you.
Forge a new path. Build a new home. Be brave. Take a chance.
Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore
Jun10
Give it a Try
Jun9
And the lesson is never give up…
When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Well hello! I’ve missed you all. I know; I disappeared. It was a temporary hiatus, but I always knew I was coming back. I started to read what I was writing and I found I was bored with myself. There was too much talking and not enough doing. So I’ve been doing. Clearing my mind, getting the business REALLY off the ground and reconnecting with friends and most importantly not giving up. I’ve learned from watching others with much heavier burdens than my own.
So many lesson in the last six months too.
Here in Boston the world came apart briefly in April and I watched as people rose to meet the horror and fought back with love for each other. It was pretty amazing.
I’ve watched two wonderful, inspirational people fight their own battles with cancer and they are kicking it’s ass every day.
I’ve watched from afar while another incredibly inspirational person reinvented herself and is now doing her best to spread joy in the world. Her latest feat is raising money for cancer research; the terrorist that took her husband.
She is kicking some ass there too. Excuse my French (why do people say that?).
So it seemed like a good time to resurface and pass on a little encouragement for my friend Jacque. Fight the good fight, my friend. She doesn’t believe in giving up.
If you’d like to check her out and perhaps donate: http://www.joyfulonpurpose.com/giving/
Dec31
Embrace Life!
What a year!
2012 has taught me many things. Some of those things I’ve learned the hard way, others I thought I already knew, but apparently hadn’t retained. I’ve gathered friends and family a little closer this year. I’ve vowed to tell the people I love that I love them as often as possible, and then some. I have committed myself to living my life with purpose and to making that positive dent in the world that will last long beyond me. I’ve cried a lot and laughed more and realized that I will be as happy as I decide to be in any given moment. If I had to put it into just a few words I’ve embraced life…my life…life in general. What have you learned and where will it take you this year?
Thank you all for your friendship and your lessons. Sending you love and wishes for a joyful 2013.
Here’s to embracing life!
Dec20
End your world
If the world ended tomorrow and, hey I didn’t start this rumor, would you go out knowing you had said all the things you wanted to say and done all that you wanted to do and loved with an open and full heart? Did you make this world a better place for your being here?I keep thinking that maybe many years ago some wise Mayan thought at this point in history we might all need a reset button and a way to start fresh. I’d have to agree considering recent events.
So it’s not too late to change.
I propose that we all end our worlds as we know them today and start over tomorrow.
Instead of buying survival gear and dehydrated rations, send someone flowers, a note or a quick call to say hello.
Instead of putting the last minute touches on the bunker, do something to make the world a little brighter.
Instead of stockpiling food and water, go and work in a food pantry, donate, volunteer.
Instead of gathering zombie repellant, spend some time thinking about what it is that you should be doing every day to reset this world that will surely be here come Friday morning and then again on Saturday and so on. Maybe the end of the current world and the creation of a world we can all really live in is not such a bad idea.
What can you do right now to change your world tomorrow?
Magnolia Beginnings 