Grief

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.
Aeschylus

It’s been a year. In the day leading up to the year I told myself “he was alive this time last year.” Or “ He saw the fire works, even if it was just out of his window, this time last year” and worst of all “I could have called and heard his laugh this time last year but I didn’t”

But the year has now passed.

He always told me I’d bounce back, forget all about him, He was wrong and he hated to be wrong and I miss that I can’t rub it in.

When he left this world he took some part of me with him and left a hole I plug with memories, but there is still an ache that hasn’t dulled even though it’s been more than a year.

I saw a woman on the side of the street carrying a case of beer and a stuffed pony. I wanted to call and ask him where he thought she was going.

You were wrong Bobby. There is no forgetting you.

Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

16 responses »

donnaanddiablo on July 12, 2013 at 9:03 am said:

The pain of loss may recede, but it never completely departs. May all the wonderful memories crowd in to fill the void your friend’s passing has left, Maureen….

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- Magnolia Beginnings on July 12, 2013 at 9:06 am said:
  
  Thanks Lori. Thankfully, there are a lot of good memories.
  
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mimijk on July 12, 2013 at 9:22 am said:

I don’t think grief ever leaves once you have felt it. At best, you find a place in your heart where you can place it, aware that it is ever-present, yet not inhibiting the ability for the heart to keep beating at the magic in a day. Thinking of you today..

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- Magnolia Beginnings on July 12, 2013 at 10:08 am said:
  
  Thanks Mimi.
  
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Playamart - Zeebra Designs on July 12, 2013 at 9:48 am said:

for years after my father died, i found myself reliving the countdown. “This was the day the kitten hitchhiked to town and dropped down on the highway when we stopped at the first red light.’ “This was the day my sister and I got caught in the rain shower, and how daddy laughed when he saw his two drenched daughters.” “This was the day…” Of course those memories are part of a sweet tonic that keeps him alive twenty years later.

thankfully my replay buttons only activated in the month of his death, and after the day of his death, i was able to put away the memory recorder and move on… until the following year when i played it again.

you have my sympathies.

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- Magnolia Beginnings on July 12, 2013 at 10:10 am said:
  
  Thank you. Trying to find that off button on the recorder today.
  
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  - Playamart - Zeebra Designs on July 12, 2013 at 10:16 am said:
    
    i send you my empathy; this was the countdown month for me, including his death just after my birthday. thankfully i no longer break down and weep when someone says, ‘happy birthday.’
  - Magnolia Beginnings on July 12, 2013 at 2:02 pm said:
    
    I hope youre able to enjoy your birthday a bit this year. I’m sure that is what he would wish for you. Sending love.
  - Playamart - Zeebra Designs on July 17, 2013 at 2:08 am said:
    
    thanks amiga! i had a great day and kept the ‘date’ to myself and just enjoyed the friends that crossed my path. i told one when we were having a late lunch, and he, of course, picked up my tab… it slipped on by everyone else.
    
    i would think the long days of summer are easier on you than the long winter nights and lack of sunshine. hang in there, amiga.
    
    z
Rhonda on July 12, 2013 at 10:02 am said:

Hugs my friend…xoxo

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- Magnolia Beginnings on July 12, 2013 at 10:11 am said:
  
  Received and appreciated. Right back at ya.
  
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dianasschwenk on July 12, 2013 at 11:14 am said:

Hugs and warm thoughts and prayers of peace for you…

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- Magnolia Beginnings on July 12, 2013 at 2:03 pm said:
  
  Thanks Diana. Amazing just what the support of friends can do.
  
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elizabeth2560 on July 12, 2013 at 8:27 pm said:

Thinking of you today.
The pain may remain but, in time, the fond memories will gradually lessen the intensity.

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- Magnolia Beginnings on July 13, 2013 at 9:32 am said:
  
  I hope so. Thank you.
  
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WordsFallFromMyEyes on December 22, 2013 at 2:09 am said:

I am very sorry for your grief. A brief post but it speaks very loudly. Thank God, thank God I’ve not yet had to mourn (but my mother but I was too young). It is a very difficult reality of life. I truly wish you some comfort, however it may become.

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