Tag Archives: career change

Jun19

Eating your problems?

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When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.

Elayne Boosler

I eat my problems.

I never had this problem when I was younger, or maybe I didn’t notice, but as I get older I can clearly ‘see’ that I do this.

Okay, what do I mean by this you may, or may not, ask?

I eat when I’m depressed. I swallow my words too. I stuff down my emotions. I ingest the pain I’m in and hold it all inside and then I have a sundae. It then appears on my hips. Voila! Just like magic; but not.

I never knew this about myself because it never showed up on the outside until lately.

Friggin’ 50!

So, is the answer to go to the gym more or is it to tell everyone to fuck off? Make myself happy instead of making myself ice cream? Take a break from making everyone else feel good and regurgitate all this negativity; shed the burdens; lose the weight of everyone else and have a salad instead?

Definitely time for a change.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.

Peter De Vries

Jun11

Take that chance…go ahead, I dare you!

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Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Mark Twain

It’s true. You can’t go home again. I tried and it didn’t work. I am not the same person and the house didn’t fit me anymore. I actually wonder what contortions of personality I had subjected myself to in order to make it fit the first time. Well, I obviously didn’t like it or I wouldn’t have left in the first place, right? 

Have you ever romanticized your past? Thought longingly that, given the chance, you’d do it all so differently. You’d be kinder, patient, more appreciative with the known and familiar.

Think again, my friends. The unknown, as scary as it might seem, is ripe with possibility. The past, while comfortable, lacks potential. That well-worn path leads you in the same direction each time you follow it.

To the house that didn’t fit, that you discarded, or that discarded you.

Forge a new path. Build a new home. Be brave. Take a chance.

Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.

Mary Tyler Moore

 

Nov20

Attitude and the 100th Post!

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When does one problem take precedence over another? Whose sorrows or worries are more important than another’s and at what point is okay to just roll over and say you can’t take it anymore? My guess is that is never the answer. Once you roll over there is that daunting task of getting back up again. So, many of us just keep going whether we want to or not.  Quietly, or not, going about the business of life. 

It’s the priorities of the world with which I struggle. I can’t be the only person absolutely appalled by the amount of time and effort put into saving the Twinkie?  I understand that jobs hang in the balance but this is obviously a ploy by management to force a settlement that will insure large salaried corporate jobs with cuts to those that can afford it least. Another thing I’m having trouble listening to is the scandal of some repulsive looking little man and his botoxed, silicone enhanced, gaggle that give intelligent woman a bad name. All this while we all but ignore the people dying in their homes across the world from mine in the Middle East and others who are still homeless due to a hurricane in my own backyard. 

I have been unusually quiet over the last few months due to a combination of alternately mourning (friends, family, my past life…pick one) and trying to make several new ventures come together at once. It’s been one of those times where my life resembles a puzzle for which I’ve lost the box.  There is no picture to work off of and I have no idea what it’s going to look like when I’m done. I work better off the picture, but I have a feeling that life is bigger and better when you stop trying to engineer the outcome.  So instead of whining (in public, anyhow) I’ve gotten very quiet, put my head down and gotten to work. Sometimes I look up and like what I see and other times I want to hide in the corner. 

I suppose the key is to measure the good and the bad and possibly remind yourself that we have the choice to focus on what we choose to give attention and the power to make a difference, whether it is a world issue or a personal one. Of course, there are those times when the only thing we have any control over is our attitude and those are the times that we trudge on, keep our fingers crossed, and try to discern what is important and what is just taking up too much space in out world.   

Have a thoughtful and happy Thanksgiving everyone.  Focus on something positive and thank you for following, caring, and reading this, my 100th post! 

Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

Viktor E. Frankl

 

 

 

Sep4

My Mission

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School has started and from the window of my house I can see the red brake lights of cars lining up to drop off their precious cargo. The teachers have, more than likely, been there for weeks setting up their classrooms and have been in school this morning for an hour or more, after getting very little sleep the night before. This is the first year I’m not there too.

I wondered how I would feel today.

As the new business begins to get a little busy and the nonprofit begins to take shape, I can say that I made the right decision. I’ll miss the kids  today. Some of them knew they would have me as a teacher this year and I think they will be disappointed. Some of the students that return to tell me how their summer was, or show me that they grew into young men or women, will wonder where I am.  I’ll miss some of my colleagues too. I’m going to need to create a new work community as I also try to stay in touch with people I have known for years.

Deep in my heart I know that I’m doing the right thing. I have something else to do in this life and in the infancy of this nonprofit I am creating I can see it taking shape. It’s the meshing of all I’ve done before coming to together. I continue to meet other woman that have started nonprofits in the oddest ways. I pick up just the right article or book. I mention what I’m doing to a person who knows someone who can help me. It’s just all falling into place. It feels right.

So there is a bit of melancholy, but more so an overwhelming feeling of having made the right turn in search of my mission. What a relief!

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. 
~Ralph Waldo Emerson 
Aug27

Panic

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best-of-web.com

There are these incredible moments of panic that strike me occasionally. They come out of nowhere. Today I was driving down the street and a commercial came on for the 40th year reunion concert of Orleans. Remember them? Dance with Me? No, okay, well I was never a fan either but the thought that forty years had passed since that song came out started a bit of chain reaction ending in me wondering what the hell I was doing starting all over again. I’m better now. I really thought by now I’d be settled on something but the panic inducing thought is that I will be starting over for the rest of my life because that’s just who I am. There will never be the 40th anniversary of anything I’ve done because most things have about a 7-year expiration date with me. A good friend says I shed a skin every seven years. Well, that’s not the most appealing visual is it? But I suppose there is some truth to it.

So, I am taking a deep breathe (no, not in a paper bag) and moving forward. Scared shitless, white-knuckled, screaming on the inside but forging ahead.

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” 
― Søren Kierkegaard

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” 
― Frank Herbert, Dune

Aug5

Wanderlust or travel as therapy?

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I’ve been away from home for a little over a month. It has been wonderful and mind clearing. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking abut what I wanted the life I live every day to look like in places I’ve never been to before and may never see again. For me, that is when I do my best thinking. In my own home I see the past, the things I should be doing, and all the future events on the horizon. In another space all of the good, the bad, and the ugly is cleared away and I can focus on decisions and directions. So, the first thing I learned is that I know myself.  I feel much clearer and my priorities are in order. I have a plan and I’m a person that loves a plan. I’m never happier than when I know where I want to go and I have mapped out my options and am on the brink of starting something new. In June I was overwhelmed and confused. In August I’m a force to be reckoned with. Travel as therapy. Do you think I could get my insurance carrier to pay for that?

“It’s a funny thing about comin’ home.  Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same.  You’ll realize what’s changed is you.”

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button-

Jun29

Italy, Inspiration, and Incredible women

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The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.  Michelangelo 

Is it acceptable to still want to be something when you grow up, even at 49? Is it best to have a plan and expectations or is it better to do as I do most of the time and just have an idea and fling yourself at it? Do we still get to do that at this age? Of course I’m not saying that I don’t think about what I want to do, but if I consider what has worked in the past, I’d say launching into something full steam as if it were really already under way has been the successful approach. Starting this blog and proclaiming to people all over the world what I was in the process of doing surely made me feel as though turning back would be defeat. 

This new business and non-profit is the first endeavor I’ve undertaken where my main concern is not how I will work it around my children. My youngest of four is almost 17 and the oldest nearly 30, so it’s all about me this time.  What a glorious age this is. I love the woman my age too. They have done so many different things, many while raising children, and often supporting a home, that they just don’t have time to be afraid or if they are they kick it aside and march on. They’re supportive and compassionate without being patronizing. They know themselves or they are clearly on the path and don’t mind telling you what they think. Women in thier 50’s, give or take a decade, are to be envied. When I turn 50 next year I feel like I’m entering this exclusive club of creative, smart, funny, self assured people who don’t have time to take any crap from anyone and God help you if you mess with anyone they love. They are fiercely loyal and understand the value of a good girlfriend. They know what they want and also how to get it. I just love that. 

Another incredible part of life at this age is I get to do some of the things I’ve dreamed about. July’s adventure is a trip to Italy. I’ve dreamed of this trip and I see no reason to waste anymore time. If you miss my ramblings I’d suggest you check out:

http://newsofthetimes.org/

http://talktodiana.wordpress.com/

http://youwerebornthatway.com/blog/

http://spilledcookies.com/

http://waitingforthekarmatruck.com/

http://joyfulonpurpose.com/

http://almostspring.com/

http://help-me-rhonda.com/

http://geniespeaks.wordpress.com/

http://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/

Oh, it’s just ridiculous how much talent and insight is out there. I could never include them all. These people and quite a few others have become a sort of blogging family for me.  I feel very blessed. 

Positano, Florence and Tuscany.  I’m going to eat, drink, be merry, and contemplate my future as if I were 16 and it was all ahead of me, because it is. Only now I’m smarter, have no time to waste and I’m aiming higher. 

Arrivederci,

Maureen

There is no greater harm than that of time wasted. Michelangelo
Jun28

The Journey Begins

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Sometimes in your life you will go on a journey. It will be the longest journey you have ever taken. It is the journey to find yourself.

Katherine Sharp 

In the early part of this year I knew exactly what I would do in June. Isn’t it amazing how easy things seem when we don’t have to move on them quite yet? As a special education teacher I have the same students for fifth and sixth grade. Of course I become very attached to them, and I would hope them to me. So, I planned to finish my year two of teaching the same students and see them off to 7th grade, tie up the loose ends, and resign my position. It was a plan.

As the time came close I started to talk myself in to being able to work at the school and start my new endeavor too. I also found myself doing a lot of negative self-talk and scaring myself into just staying. I found all of the reasons not to let go of the secure and familiar, even though I knew letting go was what I truly wanted.

I gathered my courage and resigned. People were shocked! They tried to persuade me to stay. I have to admit, that felt good. It almost worked, but then I’d be staying to feed my ego or retain some false sense of security that a job with a pension and benefits offers. We all realize that people lose these things every day, so there is no security there either. I did give it more thought. Some might call it obsessing over it.

When I was very still and listened to that voice inside of me, the voice who knows all of me, I knew what I needed to do. I knew what would happen to me if I didn’t listen to that voice. Each day that followed I’d cease to be the person I truly am. I’d be denying that spark inside of me that wants to accomplish more than I have. I’d be foregoing the journey to find out all that I really am and what I am meant to do in favor of choosing to safe road of predictability.

So I jumped and I feel light enough to fly. I resigned yesterday. Let the journey begin!

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

Ayn Rand

Jun24

Delicious ambiguity

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You cannot have a happy ending to a miserable journey.

Abraham-Hicks 

Many of you who have followed my blog over the last few months (have I said thank you recently for that?) have watched me torture myself with the decision of whether to stay at my job as a special education teacher or to dive into a new business in a full-time capacity. The business has already been started and the nonprofit component is waiting in the wings for some attention from me. I can work part time at the business until I’m ready to leave my job or I can just run head long into a new life. Part of the dilemma is that I love the kids that I teach. Until you are a part of teaching a child no one thought would read, to read, or giving a student the confidence to raise his or her hand in class and believe they can add value to a conversation, you can’t imagine how rewarding this path can be. Unfortunately, because of the legal requirements of the special education system I spend about 85% of my time in meetings, writing IEPs, and answering emails from parents who have no faith in the educational system or dare I say have no boundaries’. I pass my lessons on to a tutor who has the joy of teaching it, often not in a way I’d do it myself. This all adds up to an enormous amount of stress and it’s taken a toll on my health and my personal life. I keep asking “is it worth it?” Of course any sensible person would say “no.” Then I get a card in the mail from a student thanking me for my dedication, or telling me they will visit me every day next year. Then there are the students that do come to visit and I get the chance to watch them turn into adults, and know that I was a part of making them understand that their disability is both a blessing and a curse. The fact that they struggle is difficult but as with any difficulty they have the opportunity to let that hardship turn them into people that know how to press on, to work through what would stop a weaker person. They also see the world a little differently and all of the most influential people in history have seen the world in a different way. That’s where we get the innovative thinking that changes the world. Oh, you can see I could go on and on about these wonderful people I’ve had the chance to know. I have been blessed, but it may be time to move on.

Then there’s the stress, which is incredible, and I have to be honest; it’s over-shadowing the good parts. Turning 50 this year, and watching so many people around me stricken down by illness, or worse yet die far too early, causes me to worry about how the stress is impacting my health.  I found the information below in a Huffington Post article but you could find the same in a thousand articles. It has become common knowledge that stress kills.

Researchers from Carnegie Mellon University found that feeling stressed is linked with a decreased inflammatory response regulation. Their research was published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

 “The immune system’s ability to regulate inflammation predicts who will develop a cold, but more importantly it provides an explanation of how stress can promote disease,” study researcher Sheldon Cohen, of Carnegie Mellon, said in a statement. “When under stress, cells of the immune system are unable to respond to hormonal control, and consequently, produce levels of inflammation that promote disease. Because inflammation plays a role in many diseases such as cardiovascular, asthma and autoimmune disorders, this model suggests why stress impacts them as well.”

So, I have given myself this weekend to decide what I will do. I think I already know what I’m going to do and having flipped a coin as another blogger suggested confirmed it, but I keep waiting for that moment when I’ll be 100%. Maybe we’re never 100% on anything. Maybe it’s just about following your gut and watching what unfolds.

Thanks for reading. I truly appreciate the support and the friendship I have found here.

Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.

Gilda Radner