Tag Archives: help

The Moment of Truth or Holy Crap What Have I done?


“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.”  ~Aldous Huxley

I started this blog on a whim. This is absolutely untrue, of course, because I have been  writing, throwing my writing away, and dreaming of writing, since I was able to hold a pencil. Why do I want to pretend it’s just a silly thing I’ve given very little thought?

A whim by Dictionary.com definition is:

1.A sudden desire or change of mind, esp. one that is unusual or unexplained.

2.A windlass for raising ore or water from a mine.

So the need to write is most definitely not sudden, a change of mind or unexplained. Judging by how many others are writing, the desire is not all that unusual either.

It does feel a little like raising ore from a mine. You know that it’s in there but sweet mother it’s not that easy to get it out is it?

So now all I need to do is to find a psychological windlass that will dredge my soul of all of the homeless characters and the sadistic need to tell a story so that it is out of the mine, much like the monster in Alien, and on to this screen.

As proof that my sadistic tendencies run deep I currently have 27 days to produce a minimum of 10 and a maximum of 20 pages fit to present to ten others in addition to a published author at week long class I am taking at the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, Massachusetts.

Now, I signed up for this sucker on a whim, I can promise you that!!

The moment of truth has arrived. It’s now or never. Shit or get off the pot, as my dear mother was fond of saying.

The countdown begins. Any and all encouragement is appreciated and needed.

I never dreamed of being Shakespeare or Goethe, and I never expected to hold the great mirror of truth up before the world; I dreamed only of being a little pocket mirror, the sort that a woman can carry in her purse; one that reflects small blemishes, and some great beauties, when held close enough to the heart.  ~Peter Altenberg

New Experiences and changes…


“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

I love this quote. I love quotes in general. Whenever I am feeling a little lost I’ve always looked for inspiration in the words of others. I imagined that they must know more that I do if everyone was quoting them and I’m usually able to find just what I need.

I have to admit, the idea of giving my resignation to the school where I teach special education is a a little daunting. I decided about 5 years ago after a divorce to complete a Master’s program in Special Education and change careers to become a teacher. It wasn’t easy to juggle work and school and four children, with very little help. Both of my parents died during all of this and there were many other problems, many financial. In other words; I nearly killed myself getting here and after 2 years in the exact job I thought I wanted that actually wants me back I’m planning to resign. Wow, when I write it down it sounds nuts.

For all that is good about this, there is bad. It’s not the new and richer experience I had hoped for. In fact, I spend most of my day doing tedious paperwork and handing my lessons to my tutor so she can enjoy teaching them. I love the kids in my class and I think they may even love me as much as a middle school student can. I do know that they  know how much I respect them and I absolutely get that back. But, my job is about 10 % teaching and 90% administration. Let’s not forget I’m actually considered living on the poverty level for the town where I work. I make 50% of the median income in my town. Not even the deciding factor, but significant enough to mention.

So, the new and richer experience had to include a way to make the world a better place. I know myself and if that is not part of the plan I won’t be happy doing whatever I am doing. I’ve always volunteered and worked in nonprofit and have started two nonprofits of my own. The trouble was that I could never make enough money to support my family at these jobs so I would find myself doing something that made our lives more comfortable but gave no personal satisfaction aside from that.

I have been in search of the opportunity where I can live a comfortable life, be challenged, independant, and also give back. I think I’ve found it. The business I’m starting with give a percentage of the cost from the client  and a percentage of my profit on each transaction to a nonprofit I am creating. My thought is that if I do it at the start that neither the client or myself will miss that small amount.

Imagine if every business did that? Imagine the good we can do? I want to be a part of that and I know that if I work hard I can create something wonderful that will employ people, give other woman a new start and allow me to support my family. I’m chronicling it on here so that I can show other women after I successfully create this business called Magnolia that just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you should stop.

Take a second to send some encouragement if you happen to read this. I’m going forward but the good thoughts help.

Thank you for reading and good luck to you too!