Okay, maybe that’s a tad harsh. But, as a person who seems to like to build people up at my own expense, I think it’s a step in the right direction. Fixing everything and trying to find my own self esteem and self worth by looking outside of myself sometimes attracts unhealthy people.
“Love me so I can love myself!” I seem to say in a whisper, much like those silent dog whistles, that only a narcissist can hear.
Friends and neighbors, I can tell you honestly…that does not work. If in fact you’d like to attract people that will take and not give anything back, if you’d like to spend your time trying to please the unpleaseable, if you’d like to feel smaller everyday…well, that’s the recipe.
Look in the mirror, into your own eyes, and see how wonderful you are. Look within.
Don’t forget to love yourself.
“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
I’m not sure why it’s been so long but I fell off the map about a year ago. It’s been a year of change…that’s the understatement of the year. I’ll fill you in later. I promise!
“I can hardly wait for tomorrow, it means a new life for me each and every day.”
― Stanley Kunitz
It always seems impossible …
until it’s done.
This week I began step one in the plan to launch the nonprofit I’ve been working on. I suppose it’s not really step one because I’ve been doing many things, including mountains of paper work and putting a board together, but this week began a more public launch. I made the first steps to teach in a community development organization. It’s important for me to partner with other local nonprofits in order to make mine successful, so this feels like the beginning. My NPO will have a workplace literacy component, so getting back to teaching adult ESL courses is something I’ve been looking forward to. The students are all recent immigrants and, as always, there are a few students that really knock me out. This time it was a couple from a small African country that had been in the U.S. a mere two months and were already a month in to an English language class. Their lives, and that of their two children, have been difficult, yet there was no trace of self-pity. They have been through things that would have crushed most people, yet they are optimistic. They have lost every material possession, yet they are grateful. There is a mix of pain and beauty in their eyes as they struggle with the language. It moves my heart in ways I can’t describe and makes me so sure that I am moving in the right direction. I am so honored to have the chance to touch their lives. People, my own age, starting over with nothing but their spirit and determination for something better. It is humbling, and it should be.
It made me wonder about people I know. People with every opportunity, yet they continue to be angry for all that isn’t handed to them. Instead of working harder, they continue to find fault with everything around them rarely looking at their own hand in the way their lives have turned out. Is it easier to place blame? Well, maybe in the short run. Is it narcissism that causes some people to blame everyone around them for their own circumstances? Is it having so very little that causes others to just work that much harder when life is unfair?
It didn’t take long but I’ve learned more than I taught, and I’m sure that nothing is impossible unless you decide it is.
When I let go of what I am,
I become what I might be.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
“There is no beautifier of complexion or form of behavior like the wish to scatter joy, and not pain, around us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson