Tag Archives: love

May7

Detach with Love

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Whenever life takes a nasty turn I try to ask myself how did I contribute toward it? Don’t get me wrong, I’m neither a victim nor am I (any longer) the over responsible person who must blame themselves for everything. I just know that in order to change the route you must be aware of the place you came off the road, onto the bumpy dirt path, that led you into the swampy ditch. Then you can drag your muddy ass up out of the hole you find yourself in and never take that road again. This doesn’t happen if you don’t take responsibility for that first (or the second) wrong turn and learn from it.

The question is what do you do when you are watching someone else heading for the ditch and you can tell the hole they will be in might just swallow them up and they have no idea where they got off the road? You might think to jump in, waving your hands and screaming, “Save yourself” or “Watch out ahead.” Maybe you even throw yourself in the ditch a few times so they can step over your back avoiding most of the mud. But then how will they ever learn to change the route?

Sometimes, as painful and dangerous as it feels, the only answer is to let go and detach with love, standing to the side while letting your heart fly from your chest, into the ditch, and hope that somehow all the love you have in it will provide the strength to that lost soul to get back on the road that leads somewhere better.

The three things I cannot change are the past, the truth and you.
Anne LaMott

May6

Strength

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How much can one person handle? I always wonder what choices are there. Giving in, giving up, seems to yield additional troubles.
Why are we all so afraid to feel the emotions associated with heartbreak in whatever form it takes? Why is it so acceptable to medicate our feelings into submission, instead of standing up and saying I will not be defeated by them? Saying it over and over until we believe it and it becomes true.

“Fall down seven times, get up eight.” – Japanese Proverb

May17

How’s your Now??

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The thought passing through my mind that I can’t turn off was not as eloquently put as Anne’s, but the point was the same. What if I had postponed my happiness and waited to enjoy my life until that perfect time when everything was in order and everyone else was taken care of and I find out that I’ve waited too long and run out of time?

This concept has been weighing on me and I saw this Anne LaMott quote on my friend, Mimi’s, from http://waitingforthekarmatruck.com/ wall and it made me feel so good to know I’m not the only one having this thought. Well, especially if  Mimi and Anne LaMott were too!

When I was a child and old enough to realize that not every family had a drunken brawl every Saturday night I thought I’d be happy when I moved out and had a family of my own.

And then I did.

When I married and had a family of my own I thought I’d be happy when my divorce was final and he was finally out of the house.

And then he was.

Then I thought I’d be happy when I found love again, and then I did, and I was.

And then it ended

When I was alone with my children in my own home I thought the time would be right to be  happy when it was easier and they were all in school, when the oldest could help by driving, when the older two were in college, when the youngest drove, when the youngest was in college.

And then they all were

And I looked around and saw how much time had passed and asked myself why I didn’t enjoy the trip instead of focusing on the destination.

It’s something about turning 50 I think. Each day I remind myself that this very moment is the most important moment in my life. I may still have many years to do all that I want to do but I have only this instant to enjoy what is already in front of me.

Take inventory of all of the wonderful things you have to be grateful for and celebrate right now. It’s all you really have.

Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.
Denis Waitley

 

May15

Advice to the young and the young at heart

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If you could give one bit of advice to your younger self about relationships what would it be?

Oh, c’mon all of you out there, shouting, “Run!” Think way back or think back to yesterday depending on your age and just how much you’ve had your heart twisted out of your rib cage and stomped on. You know what it’s like when you look across the room and your eyes meet. Everything is aquiver and they say all the right things in just the right way.

STOP!

My advice would be to pay attention to what they do and not what they say. Oh, the heartache that would have saved me. I’m not saying that words aren’t important or necessary. What I’m saying is if you find someone that consistently does what they say they will do, never less but sometimes more, you have a keeper. In my younger incarnation I fell in love with potential. I loved to hear the plans for what would be, it was so wonderfully distracting from what wasn’t happening.

Now, I watch carefully for actions. I don’t have enough time in my life for potential. I probably never did.

When deeds speak, words are nothing. ~African Proverb

 

May13

Addiction

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I’ve alluded to the last year as being one of growth, and seldom is there growth without pain, I’m sorry to say. The skill of finding the lesson in the event is what, I believe, separates those that sink from those that swim, pull themselves up on to the shore, and then write a book about the experience.  Watching one of my own as they struggled and continue to struggle with addiction, because really all you can do is watch no matter how much you want to help, has shown me that I’ve raised a swimmer. It doesn’t hurt to have a few people on the shore with a life raft cheering you on either, I suppose.

Keep swimming baby. I’m treading water right alongside you.

“One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.” -Linda Poindexter

May9

Flight of Faith

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 If you could fly… …where would you fly ?

I imagine that I’d fly straight up into the sky and then back down to the ground as quickly as possible stopping at the last moment to pull up into flight again just because I could.

 Where would you fly ….if you could fly?

“The reason birds can fly and we can’t is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.” ― J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird

May5

A Different Take on Love

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Love is never what you think it is, is it? We imagine that it should be simple, it will fix our woes, fill our gaps, and warm us in the cold. We dream that all the good in life will be better and that words will be replaced by a knowing look and a connection so strong that there will never be a doubt that we are bonded at the soul. Can you hear me laughing?

Ahh, it’s good to dream! Sometimes I think those dreams are our undoing. Perhaps it would be better to think that real love will test you, enlighten you, and throw all of your own shortcomings in your face in order for you to rise to the challenge of being a more complete person on your own and when your beloved sees all of this, they will love you anyhow. 

Better said by Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet”:

“When love beckons to you follow him,Though his ways are hard and steep.      

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,      

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him,      

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.      

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.      

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,      

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.       He threshes you to make you naked.      

He sifts you to free you from your husks.      

He grinds you to whiteness.      

He kneads you until you are pliant;      

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.      

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.”

It can’t just be the flowers and love songs because when that passes, as it always does, what will be left? I have been very fortunate to have a friend and partner who has challenged me to be better person. A man who will not allow me to be any less than I should be and when forced to admit why, he will reluctantly admit that it is because he loves me, but not necessarily in the way I want to hear it. He is a man of actions, more so than words. My own challenge… not always getting what I want, instead getting what I need. In turn, hopefully I will push him out of his comfort zone to be something more than he is now. I tried the easy route of no challenges and it was empty. True love is a growing, learning, sometimes painful, experience.  It’s the mother bird that pushes the baby out of the nest, not really knowing for sure if it will fly, but knowing it needs to and believing enough for both of them. To love and be loved in this way both breaks my heart and then mends it, it lifts me up and then brings me to my knees, it is more than I hoped for and better than I could have dreamed. It’s anything but simple.

“All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.      

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,      

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,      

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.      

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself

 Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, I am in the heart of God.”

 

Thank you to Suzi81 Speaks for this weekly word challenge http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/49935482/13902/

May1

The Magical Look of Love

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I wonder if Frida believed that look would last forever or if it was good enough to have seen it briefly. Apparently Frida saw that look often, although not necessarily in the eyes of her husband. It was never enough to make her happy for long.

Is it possible to hold on to that memory to renew your feelings when you look over at him, doing that “thing” he does, and resist the urge to question your own sanity? What is the elusive quality that holds some people together while others seem to drift?

Love is merely a madness: and, I tell you, deserves as
as well a dark house and a whip, as madmen do: and the
reason why they are not so punished and cured, is, that
the lunacy is so ordinary, that the whippers are in love too.
(As You Like It, 3.2)

Jun11

Take that chance…go ahead, I dare you!

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Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Mark Twain

It’s true. You can’t go home again. I tried and it didn’t work. I am not the same person and the house didn’t fit me anymore. I actually wonder what contortions of personality I had subjected myself to in order to make it fit the first time. Well, I obviously didn’t like it or I wouldn’t have left in the first place, right? 

Have you ever romanticized your past? Thought longingly that, given the chance, you’d do it all so differently. You’d be kinder, patient, more appreciative with the known and familiar.

Think again, my friends. The unknown, as scary as it might seem, is ripe with possibility. The past, while comfortable, lacks potential. That well-worn path leads you in the same direction each time you follow it.

To the house that didn’t fit, that you discarded, or that discarded you.

Forge a new path. Build a new home. Be brave. Take a chance.

Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.

Mary Tyler Moore