There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.
It’s been a year. In the day leading up to the year I told myself “he was alive this time last year.” Or “ He saw the fire works, even if it was just out of his window, this time last year” and worst of all “I could have called and heard his laugh this time last year but I didn’t”
But the year has now passed.
He always told me I’d bounce back, forget all about him, He was wrong and he hated to be wrong and I miss that I can’t rub it in.
When he left this world he took some part of me with him and left a hole I plug with memories, but there is still an ache that hasn’t dulled even though it’s been more than a year.
I saw a woman on the side of the street carrying a case of beer and a stuffed pony. I wanted to call and ask him where he thought she was going.
You were wrong Bobby. There is no forgetting you.
Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Smaritans Walk for Suicide Prevention, Sept. 29, Massachusetts
Last night I spent many hours clearing out the apartment of someone I loved very much. It was Bobby’s brother and me crying and laughing and carrying boxes. In an effort to make something positive out of a tragedy I am participating in a fundrasing walk on September 29. I’ve attached the link above and knowing the level of kindness of those I have met on this blog I thought some of you would be interested. I’m also setting up a scholarship fund that I’ll administer through my nonprofit in the next few weeks. Someone as special as he was needs to be remembered for his kindness and he was only happy when he doing something for someone else. Hopefully the Samaritans will be able to help someone else with the funds raised. Thanks for reading.
“We’ll be Friends Forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet.
Even longer,’ Pooh answered.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
He told me he thought he had enough. Many times.
Enough of the meaness of people.
Enough of trying to wake up and do it all every day.
He had a good job. He was a lawyer and lived in a nice place. He had family that loved him and friends who cared. Lately, I spoke to him every couple of weeks and we saw each other about every six weeks. He always thought he was a burden and no matter how much I told him that I loved him and cared he always apologized for being so sad. He wanted to be different and he tried. God, he tried so hard, But, it was a slippery slope and just when things were going well he’d slide back down. The last slide was deep and he sought therapy again in addition to medication. He fought a good fight, but at 55 years old he couldn’t fight that dark demon any more. I found out he lost his fight yesterday morning and selfishly my heart broke for me. I was mad at him for a short time, but that was selfish too. I’ll miss everything about him. He was a man that was just too good for this world and has left it a slightly darker place by leaving. I hope with all the pieces of my broken heart that he has found some peace. Again, that message of telling those that you care about that you love them as often as possible. I did and he did and that is a blessing.
I’d like to ask you all, in any way you possibly can, to pass along the information for the Samaritans in an effort to help anyone that can be helped. Please donate and share
R.I.P. Bobby. You are loved
http://www.samaritanshope.org/ Team Bob
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” Plato