How much is enough?

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How do you determine when you are asking for too much from another person? How much should you try to change in order to make a relationship work? When is it okay to accept less than you want or need without compromising beyond what you deserve? When is it just too much?

We all know there are things that we could improve upon. We could be more open, more accepting, more tolerant. Perhaps we need more patience or not to expect our partner to be “the world” to us.

But when do we stop trying to mold ourselves into another person’s idea of perfection and say “I am enough.” “I am enough with all of my faults, idiosyncrasies and peculiarities. I may not be perfect but I’m me, and if that’s not good enough, then it’s not me that you want. “

When do we look in the mirror and decide that changing certain things may be long over due and accepting another for who they are, whether it is or is not exactly enough, is worth the effort?

Where is the middle ground?

After all those years as a woman hearing ‘not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not this enough, not that enough,’ almost overnight I woke up one morning and thought, ‘I’m enough.’

Anna Quindlen

 

 

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About Magnolia Beginnings

Just when you think you have it all down it changes again or... “Reshaping life! People who can say that have never understood a thing about life—they have never felt its breath, its heartbeat—however much they have seen or done. They look on it as a lump of raw material that needs to be processed by them, to be ennobled by their touch. But life is never a material, a substance to be molded. If you want to know, life is the principle of self-renewal, it is constantly renewing and remaking and changing and transfiguring itself, it is infinitely beyond your or my obtuse theories about it.” ― Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

12 responses »

  1. We PREFER our loved ones never hurt us, share our tastes and preferences, put us first, idolize us, compliment us, eliminate our pain, and make us happy. Sometimes they cannot and so, if we love them, we compromise. This is the middle ground

    We TRUST loved ones never intentionally hurt, accept and value us for what we are, keep our best interests at heart, respect us, support us, care about us when in distress, and want us to be happy. If they cannot, it is not the middle ground, it is a crack in the foundation.

    Great post and great to see you back 🙂

      • It is great to have you back. I missed you 🙂
        Life for me is still tramping through a lot of mud (property settlement) but I am nearly there (thank goodness). The “me” part has grown and is doing OK. In some ways the process has made me discover the real me that was hidden for so many years in so many ways. That is the hidden joy from all the despair – finding me again.

        Thanks for asking 🙂

  2. Great post with big questions! Your wondering toward the end about worthiness reminded me of my favourite quote from Brene Brown:

    “Worthy now. Not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”

    🙂

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