Holy Moses do I need to be alone! I adore the people around me but I’m a person who needs her solitude. This weekend I’m planning on taking a road trip and visiting some friends I haven’t seen in awhile back in NYC. I can’t wait, but almost as much as seeing them I am looking forward to being alone. That hours of driving alone sounds like nirvana to me right now. I need to think, to contemplate, and to get ready for what’s next. I need to do all of this without being asked where the ketchup is or what’s today’s date or what are we having for dinner at 8 am. In order to be calm and loving and not scream “how the f*ck do I know” when asked these perfectly innocent questions I need some time alone. I’m praying I make it to Friday.

“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is God, the indivisible. And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.”

― Hermann Hesse

Solitude

Have you ever noticed that sometimes, when you let go of trying so hard to make things happen, they just appear on their own?

There’s a bunch of you reading this right now and saying “No, actually.”

I know, I know it doesn’t happen nearly enough to me either. It usually happens when I finally say “F**K it. I don’t care. I’ve had it and I’m not trying anymore.”

Yesterday I spent the very, very… did I mention very… rainy day making lists. Lists of things I needed to do, lists of things I wanted to do and then more lists on how to do them. When I’m feeling overwhelmed or out of control I make lists of what is important to me. Most of the time it helps calm me down. Even when it’s a very long, seemingly insurmountable list, I still know where I need to start and what I need to do.

One of the few things on the list without a list of steps to make it happen was friendships. I haven’t been a great friend over the last few years. I’ve let many of my friendships fade away because I just haven’t made the time to take care of them. I need to change that.

It’s not that I don’t love these people, but when they called to get together I was with my kids, working, studying, going to school, etc… Something had to go and that was the only thing I could spare, although I really couldn’t.

So, recently I’ve been trying to arrange get togethers, coffee, drinks and/or dinner, anything to bring those people back into my life and off of the fringe.

All of the other things on the ‘to do’ list seem to pale in comparison to renewing these friendships. So, I’ve been working hard at it.

And then yesterday in the middle of all of that planning and list making a wonderful new friend reached out and just made my day. Truth be told, she made my month. Sometimes amidst all of the planning and making things happen I forget that wonderful unplanned opportunities present themselves and that friendships are what we all really need and belong at the top of the list of things that are important to me.

The greatest sweetener of human life is friendship. To raise this to the highest pitch of enjoyment, is a secret which but few discover.
Joseph Addison