Becoming me

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Starting today I am intent on spending as long as it takes re-evaluating the many ways I define myself. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I am mother, partner, teacher, friend, and neighbor. Then of course I am my strengths and weaknesses, my hopes, fears, triumphs and disappointments. I’m sure there are more. I want to weed out all of the labels that don’t work anymore.

As a single parent of four children I have spent most of my adult life defining myself as a provider. I did whatever I needed to do to support my family in any and all ways. The last of my four is finishing high school and the rest are making their own way. I know from experience that they don’t stop needing when they turn 18 but it certainly changes.

Who am I without all of those definitions? Who might I be if I could be empty of all preconceived ideas and recreate myself? What will I keep and what will I find doesn’t serve me anymore?

I’d love to know if anyone has travelled a similar path.  I’ll let you know what I find.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

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About Magnolia Beginnings

Just when you think you have it all down it changes again or... “Reshaping life! People who can say that have never understood a thing about life—they have never felt its breath, its heartbeat—however much they have seen or done. They look on it as a lump of raw material that needs to be processed by them, to be ennobled by their touch. But life is never a material, a substance to be molded. If you want to know, life is the principle of self-renewal, it is constantly renewing and remaking and changing and transfiguring itself, it is infinitely beyond your or my obtuse theories about it.” ― Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

14 responses »

  1. Losing yourself in others needs is a part of parenthood whether you intend it to be or not. I think the definitions of your past still help to define you in the future they just carry less weight, allowing you to take on more. We are our past even in our future.

    Wishing you the best on your endevour . I have another blog – journeyofthegypsy at wordpress that may interest you.

    Lesley

  2. Go for it!! I think your decision is exciting, courageous and will result in a wonderful renewed sense of self…Please keep writing as you travel this journey – it’s wonderful!

  3. I am a mother of four as well and one thing I have found is that there are, as expected, old activities and definitions that can be dropped and new ones that can be taken up. Then there are others that you keep …….. activities that you have done all your life that can now be done with a passion as never before experienced …. and ways of defining yourself that you have always known but that now you really believe ………. and this is an unexpected by-product of the empty nest where you may discover and be proud of the real you who has always been there.

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