There are these incredible moments of panic that strike me occasionally. They come out of nowhere. Today I was driving down the street and a commercial came on for the 40th year reunion concert of Orleans. Remember them? Dance with Me? No, okay, well I was never a fan either but the thought that forty years had passed since that song came out started a bit of chain reaction ending in me wondering what the hell I was doing starting all over again. I’m better now. I really thought by now I’d be settled on something but the panic inducing thought is that I will be starting over for the rest of my life because that’s just who I am. There will never be the 40th anniversary of anything I’ve done because most things have about a 7-year expiration date with me. A good friend says I shed a skin every seven years. Well, that’s not the most appealing visual is it? But I suppose there is some truth to it.
So, I am taking a deep breathe (no, not in a paper bag) and moving forward. Scared shitless, white-knuckled, screaming on the inside but forging ahead.
“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
― Frank Herbert, Dune